Mindfulness and Compassion.

By Pablo Das (HHC, SEP)

Professional links in profile.

I’ve been writing a series of articles on 8 ways to cultivate deep wellbeing in the new year. So far, I’ve talked about (1) having a vision and intention for life, (2) the role of behavioral renunciation and of (3) the healing process. Now I’m writing about the 4th way, practicing mindfulness both as a distinct kind of consciousness and as a way of responding to life through an ethical filter.

To be “responsive” is distinguished from being reactive. When we’re reactive we’re not reflective. We are impulsive and acting unconsciously. With mindfulness we can filter our thoughts, speech and actions through various ethical filters.

Yesterday I wrote about kindness being one such response. It serves as a kind of conscious motivation for action which supports well-being. I offered a phrase “G.A.P. Friendly” as a summary of the many qualities contained in the notion of kindness. Generosity, acceptance, patience and friendliness are qualities you might see when you see kindness on display in the world.

What happens when we encounter pain and suffering? How do we respond to grief? How to we respond to emotional turmoil? Anxiety? Trauma? Physical pain?

For me, compassion is simply what kindness (with its G.A.P. Friendly qualities) turns into when it meets pain. Some of these qualities can be applied to pain and suffering. And should be.

One of the great sufferings of every human life is grief. Grief is the mental, physical and emotional response to loss. It’s a natural phenomenon that results from having loved someone who is no longer with you. Grief can be very powerful and it can get dark. What does it mean to have a compassionate response to grief?

First it requires acceptance. Most humans try to avoid pain. To have a compassionate response to grief requires you to turn towards and accept it.

One of the best lines I’ve heard this year comes from psychologist John Delony who said “grief demands an audience”. He’s right. A compassionate response to grief is to be present for it and to invite others to help carry it with you. You must talk to other people when grief is present.

Grief definitely requires patience. It has its own timeline as grieving may take months or years. Our acceptance and presence must be balanced with patience.

You get the point.

Compassion is what kindness morphs into when it meets pain. Its a way of consciously responding to it. It moves us from escaping and avoiding pain to caring about it.

So when the inevitable pains and sufferings of life arise we can ask ourselves those two questions I’ve talked about. 1. What’s happening? This invites us into an investigation of our internal and external experience. Then we can ask ourselves 2. how can I respond in a way that would support wellbeing? If pain is present then the wise response to pain is compassion with its qualities of presence, acceptance, its patience and a lot of generosity.